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I Want To Empathize, Really I do…

July 28, 2010

I’ve come to find over the past couple of years, that, what we fret most over are the things we cannot change. Things we say are happening to us, aren’t actually manifesting inside of us: it’s only an event transpiring in, or close to our life, but really, nothing physical is happening to us.  The stress and heartache we experience is completely the self-inflicted torture we generate ourselves by our reactions to these seemingly unfortunate events.

I can compare a like situation in a movie recently viewed: a married couple of eleven years are faced with a situation where the husband is tempted by a young, active yoga-instructor and eventually ends up sleeping with her going on to start a relationship with her while still married to his wife.  He comes to his wife and tells her he’s slept with someone else (commendable, but mmm…maybe discuss that little bit of information prior to acting in the future. Thanks hon…smile-wink). The wife’s reply is of course, dead on as to what many  may portray in their feelings of hurt, shock, betrayal and confusion; however, it’s a moment when the outside viewer is watching this, void of the obvious depth of the wife’s hurt. I mean, I was like shoving my face with Tostitos, had to stop and say, “Oh, wait, what?”, “Right, you tell him!”  back to my homemade nachos with the most fattening sour cream a cow could ever contribute.

I realized that although this event in life, is one of the most horrible experiences one might endure in a relationship, I still didn’t feel like dying as I would have had it been myself hearing such news. Why is that? For no other reason than;  I’m not taking it personally.  I wasn’t  the one left out of  my husband’s passionate throws and steamy sex. “Sucks to be you babe…” was really all I could come up with. Badly as I want to cheer for her in keeping her cool, yet cry for her because we’ve all been there – I didn’t get all fired up, want to beat the living shit out of his truck, or imprint his face with my diamond ring –  (seriously, it’s a gorgeous rock. I’d hate to chip it) simply because, it did not affect me.

In that, we must all remember that if ever in a like situation: it’s not happening to us. The event is causing us no damage. The only damage and turmoil we may endure after the initial blow of such a shock, will be self-created, reactionary effect that we manifest ourselves. We can choose to blow up and question our attributes as to why such a thing would happen in our marriage or relationship; however, these taxing and exhausting thoughts are futile.  Not one thing we say, pin it on, use to excuse or blame is going to make a difference in the following days, weeks, months and years to come.

oh, and fyi: this is simply a comparison to how we all might fare better if we removed ourselves from events that did not even involve us. My husband did not sleep with his Yoga instructor.

It was his personal trainer.

(JK!) They didn’t sleep together either. I mean, would you really call that sleeping? (Again, just joking)

not really.

joking – ok. really this time.

++++

Kind words always bring about kindness.

Crying leads to puffy eyes.

Eating half of a chocolate cake past midnight leads to…..um, well three extra pounds by morning, but don’t worry – you’ll lose them quickly when your bowels realize the torture you’ve inflicted upon them.

Dinner alone with your Labrador leads to having someone drool next to you while eyeing your dish.  Sadly, here, your dish is the Chicken Provocal and the someone drooling is your loyal friend.

**sigh & pouty smile**

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